A few days ago, Robinette, who I have mentioned before, posted this video to his Facebook page:
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=862738187073242&set=vb.100000112074452&type=2&theater
(Let's hope that works... If not, I shared it several days ago on my FB page. Look it up)
And let me say, as someone who spent most of her adolescent and young adult life in the plus size category, This is so real! As a child, I did not carry extra weight, but somewhere around middle school, my mom went back to work, and I gained some very unhealthy eating habits. Those, the beginning of the path that lead me to where I am today.
It's funny how many times a compliment can be turned into source of emotional hurt. How often a complimentor can honestly say something they think is nice and uplifting, but becomes a source of anguish for the complimented. All becuase you wanna add on a qualifier, and maybe I'm jot sensitive to it, so I don't notice it, but I don't hear that qualifier towards any other group of people. I never hear "Man, you're smart, for a tall person" or "Gosh, you're dedicated, for a blonde person" what does one have to do with the other? Why do you feel the need to qualify everything.
These "qualifiers" can stick with a person, I hear them all the time. My dress gets complimented, my makeup gets complimented, my shoes, my jewelry, but rarely my appearance. And yes, I love when you notice my dress, and make up and shoes, cause I put time into presenting myself. I put effort into my hair and makeup (most days), so please, keep complimenting. But occasionally, just tell me I am beautiful, tell me I look good. You may not even hear this qualifier in your words either, maybe I'm sensitive, I don't know, but it comes in o many forms it's hard to list them. Telling me I have junk in my trunk? Not a compliment, my proportions are not a "junk in the trunk" body... Comparitively, I have no booty... It's flat from my lower back to my thighs. I just have fat. Looking at me and saying "I'm so surprised you can handle crossfit!" Not an encouraging "yay you" statement. I am capable. Tell metci are proud that I am doing it, that I am getting healthy. Not that you are surprised I can. When we walk somewhere, don't be surprised that I turn down your offer of driving the short distance, be excited that we get to spend an little extra time together on the trip. Stop treating me differently, because I carry a few extra pounds, I will let you know when I need something. Words can hurt, but even worse, implications can hurt more.
When I was a junior in high school, I met a friends mom for the first time and I remember her saying "you have SUCH a beautiful face!" Extra emphasis on the such. I remember thinking at the time "what about the rest of me?!?!?" It's amazing how almost 10 years later and I STILL fixate on that comment! I hear it in my head almost everyday while I'm styling my hair, or putting my make up on. It's a tough one to get over!
But even tougher? Getting myself to stop hearing those qualifiers. Cause sometimes when my friend says "that's a really cute dress" it's because my dress is really cite, not because she felt the need to find something to compliment, and settled there. And when my sister says "Your eyes are really pretty" it's because of that super awesome new mascara you got yesterday, and because you have some awesome eyes not because your body is not worth complimenting. And when my coworker comments on the junk in my trunk, it's because she appreciates the way the shirt fits my body, not because she wants to excuse my booty being bigger then average. And I really think that's the heart of th issue with qualifiers, I hear them one way, when you said them a different way.
But seriously, stop with the "for a big girl/guy" phrase. I am beautiful. Because I am a person. I am talented, because I have talent. Robinette is attractive, because he is attractive, he moves well, because he has a talent for dance. You are awesome, because you are awesome. No qualifiers. No exceptions. You don't have to qualify to be a person.
