The Power of Won't

Ok- So here we are at day 4 of the Whole30 detox (or is it a Cleanse- I’m going with detox, cause the word cleanse sounds WAY to nice for what my body currently feels, and detox is just the right amount of icky.) and I'm pretty sure I drank a bottle of Tequila last night, if the headache and all over body pain I woke up with is any indication... but wait, I gave that bottle away last week... all I drank yesterday was coffee and  water, water, water. I've gotta say- some things have happened that I didn't expect, while other things that I expected have not. Here's a quick recap of the week so far:

Monday: I was on Fire! I really wanted that McD's biscuit that is a Monday morning normal for me, with a Sweet Tea on the side, but it seriously wasn't terribly hard. Monday (and every other day this week) has highlighted exactly how often I eat junk throughout the day- the kids are having snack, I’ll eat one... someone has M&Ms, I'll eat some... Left over cookies in the office, sure...... Kid in CrossFit nursery offers an animal cracker, yes please... candy bar at the checkout of the dollar store, its only 88 cents!.... watching TV, popcorn sounds good.... I’m bored working on school work, that popcorn sounds really good! Each time I said No, and passed, I felt a small Victory, and it was wonderful! Even if I forgot to count my reps on the WOD and ended up estimating the score. Then Tuesday Afternoon came...

Tuesday: Tuesday morning was a lot like Monday- Small Victories all morning. Then, I sat in the cafeteria with all my students, watching them eat their corn dogs (I LOVE ME A GOOD CORNDOG!) and a child offers me some Candy corn. Simply because she remembered me saying in October how much I LOVE Candy Corn, and it was like a switch was triggered in my body. The kids were suddenly the loudest and most annoying they had ever been, my food in front of me was no longer appealing, and neither were the corn dogs or even the candy corns, I instantly went into this mood of aggravation. At everything. The rest of the day continued in this manner, Only getting better during Bible Study.  Even seeing all the non-compliant food that the other ladies brought didn't faze me. I went to bed thinking Wednesday would be more like Monday. I was wrong.

Wednesday: I woke up to a headache, a body ache and a desire to not see or talk to another living thing. Luckily I am a google junky, and have read blogs and articles, and found THIS timeline that make me feel a bit better about my moodiness. My desire to not even see food intensified, I had to force breakfast and lunch, and it was weird, cause it wasn't a “I don’t want this, I want a hamburger.” It was a “My body feels completely full, I can’t eat.” My mood improved some, but I traded crankiness for exhaustion. Luckily, I had a babysitting job planned that included “hey can you teach him to use this sewing machine?” So I went slightly overboard and we made a Raccoon, cause art and crafting speak to my heart.

Thursday (today): Head still here this morning, worse than yesterday, but eased the longer I was awake and once I had some coffee and ate some food. Today was pretty normal. Not much to report.

So, chances are, if you have met someone who is a crossfitter, then you have heard all about crossfit, and probably been told you should try it out. The same can be said of Melanie doing Whole30, everyone has heard about it. Even the students in my class got an explanation, cause I cant say no to candy corn without explaining! When I describe the Whole30 plan and restrictions, people have a few responses ranging from “You are insane, I could never do that!” to “Let me tell you all the advice I have/have ever heard about dieting” I love hearing people’s advice- from fellow Whole30ers (favorite thing ever is a giant group message of crossfitters, all talking whole30 and crossfit, all the time) from past dieters, and current dieters, I love it. Do I heed everything I hear? Not even close. This week I was chatting with a co-worker (who on Monday morning got kicked out of my class because she walked in with a McDonald’s bag!) and she told me I needed to stop talking about what I can’t have, I needed to change the narrative to talking about the things I Won’t have. This whole DAWN challenge thing, is a choice I am making, not a restriction placed on me by someone else. I can’t have cinnamon, because I’m allergic. I won’t have bread, because I am choosing to overhaul my eating patterns and learn to live a healthier life. I can’t have dairy, because my body can’t process the lactose. I won’t have sugar for the next 30 days because I am choosing to break my body’s addiction. It changes the narrative, and empowers my choice at the same time. Reminding myself that I am choosing to take 30 days to reevaluate my patterns, to focus on what those choices are, and pay attention to them. 30 days really isn’t that long. 30 days is only 8% of the year, 0.3% of my current lifetime. I think I can take 8% of my year, and choose to not have certain foods. I’ll let you know how that narrative is going later- when I really wanna stop choosing to not have those M&Ms. 

DAWN

So.... It's been a while hasn't it? Like, it's been 3 months since I shared my thoughts with the world in general (or at least, my tiny little corner or the world.) Three long months that have been crazy ridiculous. In one of my future posts (like sometime this week) I'll break down the past three months of CF for you, but for today, I've got other things on my mind.

Tomorrow starts the first challenge I've participated in at CrossFit College Park, the DAWN challenge. Here is a basic break down:

Diet: Whole30
Attendance: Showing Up and checking in
WODs: Tracking my results
New Habits: make a new habit.

For detailed info visit the website by Clicking Here.


When I first heard of the Whole30, I instantly dismissed it, for several reasons, some simply excuses, some real. Eating healthy and clean is not only hard in our culture, it is expensive, and time consuming. For someone who usually just settles for the convenient, quick and simple meals (like, microwavable or drive through) because they are quick and simple, and usually cheaper (LOVE me a $1 hamburger from McDonald's, and a pack of Ramen Noodles, not together though) the idea of having to actually prepare meals, and think beyond hitting buttons on a microwave, on a daily basis, not exciting to me. Like not at all. It actually is kinda terrifying. Whole30 requires a detox from sugar, grains, dairy and legumes. Basically all the things that make food super yummy. Real talk for a moment: I have food issues. Serious Food issues that will not be fixed in day, a week, or a conversation. The last two or so weeks has made it strikingly clear that my food issues run deep, and I'm tackling those issues, starting with 30 days of detoxing. Maybe one day in the future, I will share a heart felt look at those issues with you, but for now, lets leave it at the fact that the issues are there, and acknowledgement is the biggest part right?

As of this time last week, I was not going to be a part of this challenge, I would show up and follow the AWN part of the challenge, but the Diet part? wasn't gonna stress over it. Then, during a meeting at work, Allison, as she usually does, kinda forced me into saying "Fine! I'll do it" (which is very reminiscent of the conversation about starting Crossfit last March.) But then the issue of a team came into play, 1. I don't wanna let other people down. 2. I am not very social, in fact, new social situations kinda scare me and 3. Everyone I know is already on a team. Well,  I added my name onto the list of people who needed a team, and just prayed for people who would be understanding if I failed the diet one day, and still lend all the emotional support I will need. Then, Tuesday night, as I was getting ready for Bible Study, I get a message from a fellow Crossfitter, Alex, asking to join her team with T, and Yolanda, with the added "Want me to prepare your food too?" Ummm, YES. Yes I do. So basically I joined a team, and get the convenience of simply hitting buttons on my microwave, for the most part. Another thing that completely lifted my spirits about this? The following confession/response:
Me: there was a pack of cookies left over from Christmas in our classroom, and I had to of eaten at least 6 today, without even thinking about what I was doing, just because they were there.
T: Only 6?

It helps so much knowing that other people have issues to doesn't it?

So, zoom to today, the eve of the beginning of 30 days of DAWN, and my fridge is stocked with a weeks worth of meals, Whole30 compliant snacks are sitting in a bowl in my kitchen (apples, bananas, avocados, grape tomatoes, etc.) And my brain is trying to wrap around the idea that starting from the time I wake up tomorrow, until February 10, my diet is drastically changing, and it will be hard.

Attendance and WOD tracking are gonna come easy... cause you know, I basically already do that, only difference is figuring out the technology that lets CFCP know. Oh, and I'm gonna attempt to join in on WODs on Tuesdays, so Tri-Cities Ladies, be prepared to see me in Crossfit clothes on Tuesday Nights.

The last portion of this challenge is one that will not be tracked by points for the competition,  making a new habit. Well, I've decided my new DAWN specific habit will be.... blogging again. Somewhere along the way, I let myself get busy and kept putting off the blog, then i slowly just stopped thinking about it at all. In the midst of all the preparing for the challenge, I randomly clicked the bookmark for this blog, completely by accident, and the seed was planted. So, my commitment for this habit is more restarting an old one, but hey, I'm calling it legit.

The next thirty days are both exciting and terrifying at the same time. I look forward to sharing the experience.

Now, I'm off to get that Good bye Hamburger I've been thinking about all day, with a Large Sweet tea. :)

oh, and here is a lovely picture of all the food I get to enjoy this week: