The Power of Won't

Ok- So here we are at day 4 of the Whole30 detox (or is it a Cleanse- I’m going with detox, cause the word cleanse sounds WAY to nice for what my body currently feels, and detox is just the right amount of icky.) and I'm pretty sure I drank a bottle of Tequila last night, if the headache and all over body pain I woke up with is any indication... but wait, I gave that bottle away last week... all I drank yesterday was coffee and  water, water, water. I've gotta say- some things have happened that I didn't expect, while other things that I expected have not. Here's a quick recap of the week so far:

Monday: I was on Fire! I really wanted that McD's biscuit that is a Monday morning normal for me, with a Sweet Tea on the side, but it seriously wasn't terribly hard. Monday (and every other day this week) has highlighted exactly how often I eat junk throughout the day- the kids are having snack, I’ll eat one... someone has M&Ms, I'll eat some... Left over cookies in the office, sure...... Kid in CrossFit nursery offers an animal cracker, yes please... candy bar at the checkout of the dollar store, its only 88 cents!.... watching TV, popcorn sounds good.... I’m bored working on school work, that popcorn sounds really good! Each time I said No, and passed, I felt a small Victory, and it was wonderful! Even if I forgot to count my reps on the WOD and ended up estimating the score. Then Tuesday Afternoon came...

Tuesday: Tuesday morning was a lot like Monday- Small Victories all morning. Then, I sat in the cafeteria with all my students, watching them eat their corn dogs (I LOVE ME A GOOD CORNDOG!) and a child offers me some Candy corn. Simply because she remembered me saying in October how much I LOVE Candy Corn, and it was like a switch was triggered in my body. The kids were suddenly the loudest and most annoying they had ever been, my food in front of me was no longer appealing, and neither were the corn dogs or even the candy corns, I instantly went into this mood of aggravation. At everything. The rest of the day continued in this manner, Only getting better during Bible Study.  Even seeing all the non-compliant food that the other ladies brought didn't faze me. I went to bed thinking Wednesday would be more like Monday. I was wrong.

Wednesday: I woke up to a headache, a body ache and a desire to not see or talk to another living thing. Luckily I am a google junky, and have read blogs and articles, and found THIS timeline that make me feel a bit better about my moodiness. My desire to not even see food intensified, I had to force breakfast and lunch, and it was weird, cause it wasn't a “I don’t want this, I want a hamburger.” It was a “My body feels completely full, I can’t eat.” My mood improved some, but I traded crankiness for exhaustion. Luckily, I had a babysitting job planned that included “hey can you teach him to use this sewing machine?” So I went slightly overboard and we made a Raccoon, cause art and crafting speak to my heart.

Thursday (today): Head still here this morning, worse than yesterday, but eased the longer I was awake and once I had some coffee and ate some food. Today was pretty normal. Not much to report.

So, chances are, if you have met someone who is a crossfitter, then you have heard all about crossfit, and probably been told you should try it out. The same can be said of Melanie doing Whole30, everyone has heard about it. Even the students in my class got an explanation, cause I cant say no to candy corn without explaining! When I describe the Whole30 plan and restrictions, people have a few responses ranging from “You are insane, I could never do that!” to “Let me tell you all the advice I have/have ever heard about dieting” I love hearing people’s advice- from fellow Whole30ers (favorite thing ever is a giant group message of crossfitters, all talking whole30 and crossfit, all the time) from past dieters, and current dieters, I love it. Do I heed everything I hear? Not even close. This week I was chatting with a co-worker (who on Monday morning got kicked out of my class because she walked in with a McDonald’s bag!) and she told me I needed to stop talking about what I can’t have, I needed to change the narrative to talking about the things I Won’t have. This whole DAWN challenge thing, is a choice I am making, not a restriction placed on me by someone else. I can’t have cinnamon, because I’m allergic. I won’t have bread, because I am choosing to overhaul my eating patterns and learn to live a healthier life. I can’t have dairy, because my body can’t process the lactose. I won’t have sugar for the next 30 days because I am choosing to break my body’s addiction. It changes the narrative, and empowers my choice at the same time. Reminding myself that I am choosing to take 30 days to reevaluate my patterns, to focus on what those choices are, and pay attention to them. 30 days really isn’t that long. 30 days is only 8% of the year, 0.3% of my current lifetime. I think I can take 8% of my year, and choose to not have certain foods. I’ll let you know how that narrative is going later- when I really wanna stop choosing to not have those M&Ms.