Shame and guilt

Ok, so this post has almost nothing to do with crossfit... Maybe I'll tell you about my lunch with momma to redeem it...

Today is Mother's Day, which I love. It's great to be able to focus attention on my momma and thank her for all her undieing love and unconditional sacrifices she has made over the years. However, I really get frustrated with the number of times I was made to feel like less then qualified to celebrate my mom, because I am not a mom. I promise you, I understand exactly how much my mother has done for me, and how much my mom loves me. I actually had this conversation at the dollar store this morning:

Cashier: "you must not be a mom yourself, you wouldn't forget to get a present if you knew exactly what it is like to be a mom."

Me: "Actually my mom's gift is sitting in the car, all this is for my secret sister at church, I forgot to get the wrapping for it and saw the candle and wanted to add it to the gift." (And she didn't need to know that moms gift was all of us paying for lunch and pedicures.. We had a plan!) 

And there are countless Facebook statuses that make the impression that being a mom, is the only way to understand your mom. Or that make feel a moment of guilt that I haven't had a child yet at 26. 

I understand completely the idea that becoming a mother brings a whole new prepective to the holiday that is Mother's Day, but to suggest that I have no idea of my mothers love for me, simply because I have not felt that love towards a child is ridiculous. And maybe I'm just sensitive to the subjects of moms, and that is gonna happen when you are watching your mom slowly fade from you. 

I love my momma, so much it hurts sometimes, and no, I don't have first hand knowledge of what it is like to e a mom (cause dogs don't count, right?) but I have 26 years of first hand experience witnessing exactly what a mom should be. Even as her words and brain fail her, my Momma's love for us shines through everything she does, from pulling my legs into her lap and rubbing the scar on my ankle to make sure it doesn't hurt, to sitting with my older sister when bronchitis is keeping her up at 3am, to asking about her baby every few minutes because she knows today was a big day for her (even if she can't remember what is big about it) my moms love is unfailing. 

So please, hug your Momma's, let them know you love and appreciate them, even tell them your children bring a new light to y'all's relationship, but please, stop telling me I can't understand my Momma's love because I'm not a Mom! 

Also, here is a picture of my momma and me from today: 

Sweat Sweat Sweat

Ok, so I knew that when I decided to do this crossfit thing, that my schedule would change (I mean that's obvious right?) but what I didn't expect was this desire to constantly best myself, to set a new  personal record each day. (Even though right now I'm really just establishing all my PRs) and also, my daily schedule has changed drastically, I wake up, put the dog out, carry my iPad with is outside and sit on the steps looking up the WOD. Any morning around 6 you will find me sitting on my porch checking the crossfit college park blog, and then you tubing the workouts to make sure I know what is gonna be happening. Oh and my whole three days a week thing? That didn't last. I was there 4 times this week, and would have been there 5 had I not had something else that kept me from it! It's officially I really have drunk the cool aid!!

And the whole you tubing thing, may have freaked me out a little today... Like, almost didn't go, cause that looked killer. It I went, and it was killer, but not killer in the way that the videos made it seem. And I'm just gonna say, im pretty stinkin proud of the fact that I did that workout today! 

Also, I paused in the middle of writing this to use the restroom, and that hurt. Like the sitting part... My abs are on fire. But I kinda like it. ;) 

Do you see that sweat on my forehead? It was literally pouring off me today... Not so much a fan of that... 

Hot ATL + Running = Stinky Melanie

I don't like running. At all. I find no part of it redeemable. Not even a tiny part. I think I would really prefer burpees to running. I'm pretty sure my dislike comes from two things: 1. I HATE the feeling of not having breath, and while other workouts have gotten me out of breath, it's not like when I run... Maybe it will get better the more healthy I become. And 2. I lack any motivation when it comes too running, I get tired, I stop. No part of me feels even the slightest desire to complete it faster, or get it done. I like counting, and knowing knowing exactly how many are left. And not being outside. Maybe that will get better too... 

Anyways, can you guess what te WOD started with today? And ended with? That's right running, and I hated every single second of it. 

 

Warm up though? 5-3-2-1-1 shoulder presses. And I did a personal best. 55lbs. And I'm not even gonna comment on the fact that it was the first time that I recorded the weight I pressed. And that makes it my personal best. 

Crossfit cool aid

"You know that you drank the cool aid when you come in here injured!" 

So, I've learned something new, if you hear a name as your WOD, or the words "nasty girls" you are in for a treat. 

First group session: 

Feels pretty good finishing that! Of course the wrist kept me from doing some of the original modifications, but that will be over soon. 

New friends I met: Donnie and a dude, with a name. Crap, just realized I can't remember his actual name. 

Anyways, group session was good, though I definitely missed the constant one on one that happens during the learning stage of crossfit. But working alongside other people doing roughly the same thing as you is pretty awesome as well! 

I was in a fight...

So... This is a thing that happened: 

This is another thing that happened: 

Lessons: 

#1: don't sprain your wrist trying to get your dog outside.

#2: Mind over Matter.

So, Monday was my crossfit "graduation"  which consisted of a workout titled "fight gone bad" cause your supposed to feel like your were in a fight... And it went bad... It was killer, and modification were made to accommodate the wrist (like using a dodge ball for wall balls instead of a med ball...) but guys, I didn't let it hold me back, and I still did it. Pretty great feeling! 

Note: this was from Monday... Typed then and all, but I was waiting on the picture... So get ready for today's post in a little bit... But first, I must shower and eat. :)

Busy life, forgetful mind

Ok, so life just got super busy super quick, which means that my intention to blog after every crossfit session got forgotten. But have no fear, you still get to hear all about session number 10! 

Thursday was the tenth and final personal learning day of my crossfit beginnings! Definitely doesn't feel like I should be done with day 10! Day 10 was a review of movements following by amraps. (As many reps as possible) it seriously felt like a final exam that I was failing. Even afterwards telling Kristen about the work out, I had to describe movements instead of name them, kinda annoying that I can't remember the names! On Monday I start the group classes, which is exciting but also oddly terrifying as well, up until now I have had a person right next to me, telling me what to do, helping me, cheering me on. I was told to never be scared to ask anyone around me questions, which is way easier said then done when it comes to teachers... Teachers becoming student. Should be interesting...

Also, here is a picture of the yummy breakfast we had this morning, even if it wasn't whites free! 

Cheating...

Ok, so last Friday morning my post was titled: crossfit in te morning. I had every intention of doing a "graduation at night" post Friday night, however things du not play out that way (obviously...) 

Reason number one: we failed to confirm with the hotel that the advertisement of "free wifi" applied to the rooms... Not just the lobby. (Which for the amount of money we paid, kinda makes since, cause we are cheap cheap cheap!) 

Reason number two: I got kinda mad and anything I posted would not have been very nice, so I just stayed off the internet. 

One thing I did learn from this trip? It is now glaringly where I learned some of my unhealthy habits. From the snacks my dad filled his car with, to the run through mcdonalds for breakfast instead of eating the free continental one provided... This weekend was a bust on eating as close to paleo as possible. The trip Friday was good, driving my own car and having my cousin Michele, who is on the same journey as me, was a big help! 

Everytime we went to eat, I had to search the menu for good options (which come on, why are there more of these?!?) and without fail,the "it's vacation, you can cheat" mentality kept being thrown around. Which is something I hear all the time, but when has cheating ever been an ok thing? Cheat at school? You fail. Cheat in a relationship? You lose that relationship. Cheat on a job? You suffer consequences. Why should cheating on a diet be any different? Shouldn't I be making life style changes, not "going on a diet?" Cause a life style change means that the hamburger I ate Saturday for lunch, complete with fries and fried onions and mushrooms, is ok. It's not a dirty little secret I need to hide. If I look at that hamburger as a "cheat" then it becomes a bad thing, and trust me, that hamburger was not a bad thing. It was a very good thing. That hamburger was one meal throughout my weekend, it was a choice I made, not a mistake or a cheat. One hamburger will not determine my health in life. A hamburger like that everyday for lunch? Not a healthy choice. If I deny myself every foo that is not strictly "healthy" then one day, I will end up completely giving up on my changes. So, I'm not on a diet, I'm actively making lifestyle changes. 

Alright, so on from that to some crossfit talk... Didn't make it to crossfit on Monday, thanks to a nasty stomach bug, but Tuesday I was ready to go. (Note to self: eat more then a banana during the day leading up to crossfit...) i started the workout with a lovely little headache (brought on by the child who screamed for the entire hour of nursery.)  that never seemed to leave, actually seemed to get worse... And hat headache made the learning portion a little difficult, but I made it through, learning about snatches. Which is another example of me trying to do two things at once and failing by thinking way to hard! After that, WOD: 8 to 1 snatch squats, and 1 to 8 burpees. (Meaning I do 8 squats and 1 burpee, 7 squats and 2 burpees, all the way until I did 1 squat and 8 burpees.) it was killer, by the end I pretty much wanted to walk out and never come back. But I didn't. I finished! I did walk out fairly quickly, don't even look to see my time. Just left. No looking back,  even left my scandals sitting in the nursery. But I gotta say, finishing is the best feeling in the world! 

Also, here is an awesome shot of my entire family at graduation! 

Oh, and here's my yummy hamburger: