Then and now

Last week, I posted a picture of a side by side of me and my dog. The day I posted it, marked the one year anniversary of him coming to live at my house (he had been "mine" for a few weeks at that point, but not ready to leave his dog mom.) As I was putting the pictures together, I had a small thought, that I shared with my sisters and close friends, in relation to how different I looked, but that was it, a small "hey, I lost a chin." And moved on with how cute my puppy was. Almost right after posting it, the suggestions to do some before, during, and eventually "after" pictures of my CrossFit journey started coming. Even my best friend's husband remarked to me how different I looked in the two photos, saying I looked like a completely different person. (Which then started the conversation that this whole post is based on, so Daniel, if you're reading, you officially have an inside scope...) 

After I posted the pictures, I got a few texts, a couple messages and one comment asking for a side by side comparison of my progress, so I figured I would try to get something together. Then,  the issue of picking the pictures began, I spent what felt like hours, and was seriously like 2 hours, going through facebook, my phone, my computer, my friend's facebooks, and anywhere else I could think to look for a good representation of my changes. The longer I looked, the more upset I became, and not for the reasons I feared, I know I have a weight problem, I expected to be upset by seeing exactly how bad it was. What I began to realize the longer I looked and looked, was I had a confidence problem, that runs deep, deeper then I ever realized. 

Every single picture I found was strategically staged to camouflage the extent of my double chins, my rounded belly, or my very thick thighs.  I had a kid in front of me, I had a scarf wrapped up to my chin, I had the camera directly overhead, looking up, or Christmas presents right under my chin. I don't remember ever thinking "let me do this to hide that;" It had become so natural to hide, such a second nature, that I couldn't find a single picture that would showcase the difference. I was hiding. In almost every picture. 

Something else that became glaringly obvious was the way I take pictures now, about 7-8 months ago a shift began happening, I was hiding in fewer and fewer photos, and could see the new found confidence in my eyes and body language. My smile more genuine, my body not hidden as much. I have gained a confidence that I never had before. 

So when you ask for a before and after, I'm not showing you a picture of my before weight and my after weight, I'm showing you a picture of the confidence that I have gained. That's the thing about crossfit- why no one can stop talking about it, crossfit allows you to do things you never thought possible. It allows me everyday to come to the gym, look at a workout that sometimes terrifies me, complete that workout, and mark my results. At the end of every WOD the feeling of accomplishment is undeniable. 50 Burpees? never- finished it. A 5k? nope- finished it. 163lb deadlift? Too much- lifted it. Whole30 eating challenge? I like food to much- on day 7.  I could go on, but I'll stop.

Here's the pictures I shared...

Here is a comparison of me taking pictures with my nephew...

The Power of Won't

Ok- So here we are at day 4 of the Whole30 detox (or is it a Cleanse- I’m going with detox, cause the word cleanse sounds WAY to nice for what my body currently feels, and detox is just the right amount of icky.) and I'm pretty sure I drank a bottle of Tequila last night, if the headache and all over body pain I woke up with is any indication... but wait, I gave that bottle away last week... all I drank yesterday was coffee and  water, water, water. I've gotta say- some things have happened that I didn't expect, while other things that I expected have not. Here's a quick recap of the week so far:

Monday: I was on Fire! I really wanted that McD's biscuit that is a Monday morning normal for me, with a Sweet Tea on the side, but it seriously wasn't terribly hard. Monday (and every other day this week) has highlighted exactly how often I eat junk throughout the day- the kids are having snack, I’ll eat one... someone has M&Ms, I'll eat some... Left over cookies in the office, sure...... Kid in CrossFit nursery offers an animal cracker, yes please... candy bar at the checkout of the dollar store, its only 88 cents!.... watching TV, popcorn sounds good.... I’m bored working on school work, that popcorn sounds really good! Each time I said No, and passed, I felt a small Victory, and it was wonderful! Even if I forgot to count my reps on the WOD and ended up estimating the score. Then Tuesday Afternoon came...

Tuesday: Tuesday morning was a lot like Monday- Small Victories all morning. Then, I sat in the cafeteria with all my students, watching them eat their corn dogs (I LOVE ME A GOOD CORNDOG!) and a child offers me some Candy corn. Simply because she remembered me saying in October how much I LOVE Candy Corn, and it was like a switch was triggered in my body. The kids were suddenly the loudest and most annoying they had ever been, my food in front of me was no longer appealing, and neither were the corn dogs or even the candy corns, I instantly went into this mood of aggravation. At everything. The rest of the day continued in this manner, Only getting better during Bible Study.  Even seeing all the non-compliant food that the other ladies brought didn't faze me. I went to bed thinking Wednesday would be more like Monday. I was wrong.

Wednesday: I woke up to a headache, a body ache and a desire to not see or talk to another living thing. Luckily I am a google junky, and have read blogs and articles, and found THIS timeline that make me feel a bit better about my moodiness. My desire to not even see food intensified, I had to force breakfast and lunch, and it was weird, cause it wasn't a “I don’t want this, I want a hamburger.” It was a “My body feels completely full, I can’t eat.” My mood improved some, but I traded crankiness for exhaustion. Luckily, I had a babysitting job planned that included “hey can you teach him to use this sewing machine?” So I went slightly overboard and we made a Raccoon, cause art and crafting speak to my heart.

Thursday (today): Head still here this morning, worse than yesterday, but eased the longer I was awake and once I had some coffee and ate some food. Today was pretty normal. Not much to report.

So, chances are, if you have met someone who is a crossfitter, then you have heard all about crossfit, and probably been told you should try it out. The same can be said of Melanie doing Whole30, everyone has heard about it. Even the students in my class got an explanation, cause I cant say no to candy corn without explaining! When I describe the Whole30 plan and restrictions, people have a few responses ranging from “You are insane, I could never do that!” to “Let me tell you all the advice I have/have ever heard about dieting” I love hearing people’s advice- from fellow Whole30ers (favorite thing ever is a giant group message of crossfitters, all talking whole30 and crossfit, all the time) from past dieters, and current dieters, I love it. Do I heed everything I hear? Not even close. This week I was chatting with a co-worker (who on Monday morning got kicked out of my class because she walked in with a McDonald’s bag!) and she told me I needed to stop talking about what I can’t have, I needed to change the narrative to talking about the things I Won’t have. This whole DAWN challenge thing, is a choice I am making, not a restriction placed on me by someone else. I can’t have cinnamon, because I’m allergic. I won’t have bread, because I am choosing to overhaul my eating patterns and learn to live a healthier life. I can’t have dairy, because my body can’t process the lactose. I won’t have sugar for the next 30 days because I am choosing to break my body’s addiction. It changes the narrative, and empowers my choice at the same time. Reminding myself that I am choosing to take 30 days to reevaluate my patterns, to focus on what those choices are, and pay attention to them. 30 days really isn’t that long. 30 days is only 8% of the year, 0.3% of my current lifetime. I think I can take 8% of my year, and choose to not have certain foods. I’ll let you know how that narrative is going later- when I really wanna stop choosing to not have those M&Ms. 

DAWN

So.... It's been a while hasn't it? Like, it's been 3 months since I shared my thoughts with the world in general (or at least, my tiny little corner or the world.) Three long months that have been crazy ridiculous. In one of my future posts (like sometime this week) I'll break down the past three months of CF for you, but for today, I've got other things on my mind.

Tomorrow starts the first challenge I've participated in at CrossFit College Park, the DAWN challenge. Here is a basic break down:

Diet: Whole30
Attendance: Showing Up and checking in
WODs: Tracking my results
New Habits: make a new habit.

For detailed info visit the website by Clicking Here.


When I first heard of the Whole30, I instantly dismissed it, for several reasons, some simply excuses, some real. Eating healthy and clean is not only hard in our culture, it is expensive, and time consuming. For someone who usually just settles for the convenient, quick and simple meals (like, microwavable or drive through) because they are quick and simple, and usually cheaper (LOVE me a $1 hamburger from McDonald's, and a pack of Ramen Noodles, not together though) the idea of having to actually prepare meals, and think beyond hitting buttons on a microwave, on a daily basis, not exciting to me. Like not at all. It actually is kinda terrifying. Whole30 requires a detox from sugar, grains, dairy and legumes. Basically all the things that make food super yummy. Real talk for a moment: I have food issues. Serious Food issues that will not be fixed in day, a week, or a conversation. The last two or so weeks has made it strikingly clear that my food issues run deep, and I'm tackling those issues, starting with 30 days of detoxing. Maybe one day in the future, I will share a heart felt look at those issues with you, but for now, lets leave it at the fact that the issues are there, and acknowledgement is the biggest part right?

As of this time last week, I was not going to be a part of this challenge, I would show up and follow the AWN part of the challenge, but the Diet part? wasn't gonna stress over it. Then, during a meeting at work, Allison, as she usually does, kinda forced me into saying "Fine! I'll do it" (which is very reminiscent of the conversation about starting Crossfit last March.) But then the issue of a team came into play, 1. I don't wanna let other people down. 2. I am not very social, in fact, new social situations kinda scare me and 3. Everyone I know is already on a team. Well,  I added my name onto the list of people who needed a team, and just prayed for people who would be understanding if I failed the diet one day, and still lend all the emotional support I will need. Then, Tuesday night, as I was getting ready for Bible Study, I get a message from a fellow Crossfitter, Alex, asking to join her team with T, and Yolanda, with the added "Want me to prepare your food too?" Ummm, YES. Yes I do. So basically I joined a team, and get the convenience of simply hitting buttons on my microwave, for the most part. Another thing that completely lifted my spirits about this? The following confession/response:
Me: there was a pack of cookies left over from Christmas in our classroom, and I had to of eaten at least 6 today, without even thinking about what I was doing, just because they were there.
T: Only 6?

It helps so much knowing that other people have issues to doesn't it?

So, zoom to today, the eve of the beginning of 30 days of DAWN, and my fridge is stocked with a weeks worth of meals, Whole30 compliant snacks are sitting in a bowl in my kitchen (apples, bananas, avocados, grape tomatoes, etc.) And my brain is trying to wrap around the idea that starting from the time I wake up tomorrow, until February 10, my diet is drastically changing, and it will be hard.

Attendance and WOD tracking are gonna come easy... cause you know, I basically already do that, only difference is figuring out the technology that lets CFCP know. Oh, and I'm gonna attempt to join in on WODs on Tuesdays, so Tri-Cities Ladies, be prepared to see me in Crossfit clothes on Tuesday Nights.

The last portion of this challenge is one that will not be tracked by points for the competition,  making a new habit. Well, I've decided my new DAWN specific habit will be.... blogging again. Somewhere along the way, I let myself get busy and kept putting off the blog, then i slowly just stopped thinking about it at all. In the midst of all the preparing for the challenge, I randomly clicked the bookmark for this blog, completely by accident, and the seed was planted. So, my commitment for this habit is more restarting an old one, but hey, I'm calling it legit.

The next thirty days are both exciting and terrifying at the same time. I look forward to sharing the experience.

Now, I'm off to get that Good bye Hamburger I've been thinking about all day, with a Large Sweet tea. :)

oh, and here is a lovely picture of all the food I get to enjoy this week:

Not much has changed, but they lived under water

Ok, so when I look at my life a year ago compared to now, not much has changed, except practically everything. I work at the same school, the important players in my life are the same, my life goals are basically the same. Only, I've changed significantly. I have a new home, a new dog, new habits, and most importantly, a new life view.

The past year has brought so many changes- I (in order) got a dog (Winchester), started working at the local crossfit keeping kids, few months later, I started training at that gym. My best friend adopted two amazingly sweet little girls, my baby sister moved (well, really just didn't come home after she graduated) to Tennessee, I moved, and I am in a new classroom this year. Those are all the "big, life changing" things... but those things have brought on so many other changes. My grocery receipt looks completely different, my thoughts about food, nutritious, and the word 'diet' are completely different. My stress levels? down considerably- I still get stressed (about everything... like, its a problem) but I don't stay stressed, I work through it a lot easier and quicker. My self confidence, greatly improved. I feel good about myself. I feel accomplished.

The beginning of October has been historically (if you only include the last 4 or so years) hard for my family. Death, Diagnoses, broken bones, all happen in around this time on varying years (specifically the 8th- but i already wrote about that- you should go read it) But this year, I get to reclaim the 8th, this year, the 8th gets to represent not only the death of my Mimmie, the diagnosis of my Momma, or the shattering of my ankle, but it will mark the SIX MONTH mark of my crossfit journey. There will be no escaping the fact that all the other things have a horrible tendency to happen on the same day every year (some one, please, please, please explain the likelihood of that) but this year, I get to also walk into the box, and complete a WOD that will represent a half year, and seventy five pounds of hard work, which is not to be taken lightly. I even canceled a weekly babysitting gig just so that I could go into the gym and complete a WOD on Wednesday.

So, here's to looking ahead to the next six months, and looking back to see all the numerous changes I will get to talk about then!

Hello old friends

So, you know how the longer you go not talking to a friend the harder it is to start talking to them again? No matter the reason for the silence... Perhaps you were mad at one time, or maybe life just happened... Or maybe you moved, started back to work and got really involved in some other activities and just somehow never communicated. In these situations, a simple "hello, old friend, how are you?"  tends to do the trick perfectly well....

So, Hello old friends, how are you? 

And beyond that, I completely plan to ignore the almost two months that I kinda forgot I had a bloggy thingy. 

I will give this background: September at Crossfit College Park has been "sufferfest" with hero WODs and paleo challenges... Basically it's been a fest of suffering. WODs that have pushed me to my limit, (while helping me find my limit) and left me feeling those workouts days later. And hey- since we have reconnected, let's hope I share some of those fun times with you! 

In other news- something very frustrating began happening this summer. I noticed my ankle (the 20% titanium and screws one) (that's a completely made up percentage... Just know that I have some percentage of my ankle that is held together by metal) beginning to swell, and just plain hurt, almost constantly. So I finally asked my doctor about it and several things were said to me:

1. Protect your flat feet, stop wearing shoes with no support. (Basically, no more flip flops or flats with no inserts) 

2. Crossfit is to high intensity for you. You need to Stop crossfit, or modify greatly. No high impact things on your ankle. And no running. (You see what we chose right!?!? Cause seriously, I'm not giving up on the first thing I have found that I'm still actively participating in six months later)

3. Start wearing that really expensive brace that you held on to after breaking your leg TWO years ago...  Oh wait, I threw that out in one of my packing purges exactly 3 weeks before being told this... (So I am making due with the $6 brace from the drug store...) 

So yea, not only have I begun to find my suffer fest limits, I'm getting better and better at listening to my body and what it's telling me. If my ankle twinges, I don't keep going. I reevaluate and figure out why. I ask for modifications, and listen after the WOD is over to determine the after effects of things (like walking on a running intensive WOD, and spending the entire weekend with a swollen ankle... Didn't hurt doing it, but I couldn't get that swelling to go away for two days!) 

And with that, I shall call this little reconnect finished for today. I promise I'll keep in touch this go round!

Words I hate that I know how to spell

So, there's some things in life that are always with you, like no matter what is happening around you, to you, because of you, they have a small part in it. Some things seem small, like your favorite colors,  other things are a little bigger, like your name (hard to escape that one!) other things are huge, like your family. Rather you family is larger or small, made up of blood or close friends, helpful or hurtful, loved or unloved, near or far, healthy or unhealthy, it's kind of a defining part of who we are. Every day I live, my family is never far from my thoughts, my sisters (both biological and honorary), my dog (who, after three days of being sick I spent my entire day worrying over), my cat (who scares me every time she jumps out of my fireplace) the "honorary " nieces and nephews that I get the privilege of loving, my dad (who doesn't get a cute parenthesises because I just can't even pretend to begin to describe him in a few short words)  and especially my mom. 

I still remember the phone call from my dad, "the doctor thinks it's something called pick disease. I'll get Leslie to send you the information he gave us. But you can find it all on google." A sense of relief overcomes you when you get the final diagnosis, you finally know what you are dealing with, you have named the enemy, you can finally fight this after three years of misdiagnosis and unanswered questions. Then you type "Pick Disease" into Google, you find out it's actually "Pick's Disease" or more  specifically "Frontal Temporal Dementia (FTD)." You begin to realize, there is no fighting this, there's not even any slowing this down. You read life expectancies, you read about the wonder herb, chemical, plant etc that "so and so" are swearing by (that every medical professional somehow missed.) you text your BFFs, and receive a phone call from that BFF (which is super weird... We don't do phone calls unless it is super urgent,) but you don't answer it, cause somehow you are expected to still go to work  and you know, work. That phone call becomes a treasured voicemail that you still have saved almost three years later. You finally ban yourself from the internet for a few weeks (at least from googling this disease) and wait for the final confirmation from the neurologist, which comes the same day that you shatter your leg by falling down the stairs (which is also the one year anniversary of your grandmother's death.) (This is also the day that gets banned from your family's calendar, at the Stewart houses, we have October 7a, 7b and 9... No 8 to speak of) 

Over the past several years, we have watched as my mom slowly faded from us, becoming a completely different person, that is unrecognizable from the person we knew and grew up with. Last year my family and I joined the voices of people across the nation in the fight against dementia in the Alzheimer's (there's a word I wish I didn't know how to spell) Association's Walk to End Alzheimer's. This year we are doing it again. It's my dream and goal, that one day that relief of having a dementia diagnosis, can remain a relief, that it is no longer the end of the road. Treatment must be found that does more then a manage the symptoms.

And here is my crossfit tie in- I've learned over the past several months through crossfit, that to finish something really hard, it takes more then sheer determination, it takes people. It takes the people around you telling you to just do sets of 5, cause eventually you will make it to 50, it takes three people sitting down in front of you and counting to ten for you, cause counting is sometimes really hard, it takes someone saying, "you've got this, don't stop," then offering a high five or knuckle tap. I've seen the effect of people rallying around someone and shouting encouragement (or sometimes simply offering a thumbs up or head nod from across the room) 

 As most people that take the time to read this blog are either close family and friends, or crossfitters them selves, I'm asking that you partner with me in this fight. That you rally around my family, and the families of those nearly 5 million people affected by dementia and show support. Join my family's team at the 5k in October, deck yourselves out in purple, and come walk with us. Give a few dollars to support the cause. Ask me about car magnets that you can buy as a fundraiser. Ask me about the cool crafting my sisters and I plan to do to raise money. Ask me for a change jar to collect your spare change over the next few months for this cause. Visit our team page, leave some encouragement, share my team page with your friends. The biggest obstacle for this disease is awareness, it's not an "old person's disease" my mom was 55 when she was diagnosed, others are younger. Join me on this fight. Even if it's the simple clicking of a share button. 

You can find my team page here: http://act.alz.org/site/TR/Walk/?px=9290815&pg=personal&fr_id=5036 

[insert super clever! relatable title here]

Ok, so two(ish) months ago when I decided to move, I seriously had the thought "how hard can it be? All I have to do is pack stuff up, and the move it in. Easy peasy." Wanna know how wrong I was? Completely, totally, and amazingly wrong.  Did I also mention that I chose the last week of my current class to be move in week? So this week, not only am I constantly staring at everything in my house that still needs to be packed, I was also working on a end of class "prove that you learned something" paper with a list of requirements longer then the paper was required to be. Oh, and my phone is sick... And not isn't covered on obamacare. Also, it's supposed to rain all day Saturday. 😁

To say I'm stressed is an understatement. 

Hey, did you know that shaking (aka dropping) your ipad causes the whole chunk of text you just typed out to be deleted? Yea, I just learned that too. 

Anyways, Tuesdays at my home church this July have been "team up Tuesdays" which have been tons of fun! Hanging out with kiddos all day has been a great break from everything! This past Tuesday, we learned about Joshua, and the walls of Jericho. Our scripture verse? Joshua 1:9, in which God pretty much tells josh to get with it, cause he has has nothing to fear, cause you know, God is with him. Those walls of Jericho are nothing compared to the power of the all powerful God. Know what else? Those boxes, and papers, and rain are nothing compared to the power and strength of the ally I have on my team. 

Also, anyone want a fridge? Or dryer? Or dresser that needs a lot of refurbishing? Or a couch? Or a twin sized bed? Cause they are not going to my new house...

Anyways. On to crossfit... I may have not gotten a crossfit wod in all week... Scheduling time to get there has been hard, but hopefully tonight's will work out. Waiting to hear about a meeting I may or may not need to go to... If not, I will definitely be there tommorrow... At some point! 

Alright, well, back to packing. 

Sleep? or Competing with me (you choose the title)

Ok, so I have a dilemma, I kinda forgot about some school work that was due until  about 11pm yesterday... Which resulted in me being up WAY WAY past my bedtime... (Like to the tune of 2 or 3am)

Then I got up for 830 WOD this morning... 

So my dilemma is this: I am moving in exactly 9 days. (Yikes!) and still have a lot of packing to do... Do I take advantage of this polar vertex that is causing 70 degree weather in the middle July and work on packing, or do I take a little nap (that knowing myself, would not actually be a little nap, but a few hours)... Hmmm tough choices. I think I'll start with a shower! 

(I'm kinda proud of that braid... wish it had held up to the WOD!) 

Also, a little victory from today: Back on Day 2 of Crossfit training, my WOD was 50 wall balls, which according to my little folder, I did on a 20 inch box, with a 8 lb ball today, took around 10 minutes. Today? that first set of 50 wall balls (14ish box, 8lb ball)? FIVE minutes! I feel like I beat myself on that one!

Which brings me to something else that I had to relearn this week. When I am at crossfit (or any are of life) the only person I am competing with, is me. Am I pushing myself past my limit? Am I consistently besting my personal records? Am I comparing myself to what I did last week or last month? Am I achieving small victories that lead to larger ones? (like doing the strength part of today with no box... for the first time, Over Head squats with nothing under me!) Cause if I'm comparing myself to others, I'm gonna be defeated. If I am trying to do what Allison, or Christy, or Susan or (insert any name of any other crossfitter her) then I will never succeed. I have to do what MY body can do. One day, I will do a strict pull-up, one day I will do a Wall Ball WOD with no box under me, one day I will run a mile without stopping. But for today? I will keep doing my ring rows, squatting to a box, and running my short distances. Cause when I do that, I win. 

Qualifying

If there is one thing I can be confident it, I have really pretty eyes. And a really pretty face. The rest of me? Well I don't know, cause no one ever compliments those, without a big girl disclaimer. 

A few days ago, Robinette, who I have mentioned before, posted this video to his Facebook page: 

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=862738187073242&set=vb.100000112074452&type=2&theater

(Let's hope that works... If not, I shared it several days ago on my FB page. Look it up)

And let me say, as someone who spent most of her adolescent and young adult life in the plus size category, This is so real! As a child, I did not carry extra weight, but somewhere around middle school, my mom went back to work, and I gained some very unhealthy eating habits. Those, the beginning of the path that lead me to where I am today. 

It's funny how many times a compliment can be turned into source of emotional hurt. How often a complimentor can honestly say something they think is nice and uplifting, but becomes a source of anguish for the complimented. All becuase you wanna add on a qualifier, and maybe I'm jot sensitive to it, so I don't notice it, but I don't hear that qualifier towards any other group of people. I never hear "Man, you're smart, for a tall person" or "Gosh, you're dedicated, for a blonde person" what does one have to do with the other? Why do you feel the need to qualify everything. 

These "qualifiers" can stick with a person, I hear them all the time. My dress gets complimented, my makeup gets complimented, my shoes, my jewelry, but rarely my appearance. And yes, I love when you notice my dress, and make up and shoes, cause I put time into presenting myself. I put effort into my hair and makeup (most days), so please, keep complimenting. But occasionally, just tell me I am beautiful, tell me I look good. You may not even hear this qualifier in your words either, maybe I'm sensitive, I don't know, but it comes in o many forms it's hard to list them. Telling me I have junk in my trunk? Not a compliment, my proportions are not a "junk in the trunk" body... Comparitively, I have no booty... It's flat from my lower back to my thighs. I just have fat. Looking at me and saying "I'm so surprised you can handle crossfit!" Not an encouraging "yay you" statement. I am capable. Tell metci are proud that I am doing it, that I am getting healthy. Not that you are surprised I can. When we walk somewhere, don't be surprised that I turn down your offer of driving the short distance, be excited that we get to spend an little extra time together on the trip. Stop treating me differently, because I carry a few extra pounds, I will let you know when I need something. Words can hurt, but even worse, implications can hurt more. 

When I was a junior in high school, I met a friends mom for the first time and I remember her saying "you have SUCH a beautiful face!" Extra emphasis on the such. I remember thinking at the time "what about the rest of me?!?!?" It's amazing how almost 10 years later and I STILL fixate on that comment! I hear it in my head almost everyday while I'm styling my hair, or putting my make up on. It's a tough one to get over! 

But even tougher? Getting myself to stop hearing those qualifiers. Cause sometimes when my friend says "that's a really cute dress" it's because my dress is really cite, not because she felt the need to find something to compliment, and settled there. And when my sister says "Your eyes are really pretty" it's because of that super awesome new mascara you got yesterday, and because you have some awesome eyes not because your body is not worth complimenting. And when my coworker comments on the junk in my trunk, it's because she appreciates the way the shirt fits my body, not because she wants to excuse my booty being bigger then average. And I really think that's the heart of th issue with qualifiers, I hear them one way, when you said them a different way. 

But seriously, stop with the "for a big girl/guy" phrase. I am beautiful. Because I am a person. I am talented, because I have talent. Robinette is attractive, because he is attractive, he moves well, because he has a talent for dance. You are awesome, because you are awesome. No qualifiers. No exceptions. You don't have to qualify to be a person. 

Confession time

Ok, so here are a few confessions: 

1. I almost never get enough sleep. I am a night owl, stay up late, drink coffee tomorrow! 

2. I almost never count my burpees right. I tend to find myself counting 1 for the push up part, 2 at the jump, 3 at the push-up, etc. But only sometimes. So I'm never completely positive that I did the right number of them.

3. I have a sweet tooth. Which sometimes gets the better of my self control

4. I've fallen back into fast food habits. (A lot of excuses can be placed on this one... Busy month, moving has thrown off my schedule, I keep forgetting to go to the grocery store, etc. But really, I just let myself get back into it. 

5. I really am not so terribly torn up over #2...

6. I purposely did not get up this morning for the WOD. I didn't oversleep. I straight up didn't set an alarm last night. 

7. I just ate three pieces of pizza. Something I haven't done in a LONG time. And I now feel very not good. 

8. I really need other people to tell me thy are atruggling with nutrition too. Cause I LOVE all the advice and tips, but I could seriously use a "yea, I are three pieces of pizza last night and it was a bad decision" (or something similar) 

9. I can not stand that this list might not make it to #10. I really really need it to be an even number

10. I just stepped away to switch the laundry from washer to dryer, and found $22 hanging out in the dryer. I have no memory of putting said money in the jacket that I haven't worn since winter... 

And there you go . Confessions.  

Crossfit advertising

Ok, wanna know what happens when you wear a crossfit tshirt on a day that last from 530am till .... Well, I don't know yet, it's 10:30pm and I'm still not home... 

This is what happens: you talk about crossfit. A lot. 

Here are some things I heard today:

"Crossfit? Is that a Jesus thing?" -guy at gas station DIRECTLY across from crossfit

"Wow. How do you handle crossfit." -McDonald's person (blame Allison on that one, her kids were hungry!) also, not sure how to take the emphasis on the you part of that statement...

"Melanie, I am so proud of you doing the crossfit thing. Keep up the hard work'" -Ms. Suzanne, possibly one of the nicest, kindest ladies you will ever meet, who just happened to be a church camp today!

"Ms. Melanie? Your shirt is cool. Is it a church thing? Or from your college?" -kid at church camp

"Woohoo on the crossfit! Keep it up!" -Ms. Julie, via a text, so not really prompted by the shirt, but still! 

"So, how do you like doing crossfit?" - Larissa, as I'm meeting her for the first time to exchange info to house/pet sit for her, which was followed by a truthful conversation, which are always Super Super rewarding to have!

"So, you are a part of the crossfit trend? How do you like it?" "I really enjoy it, it's tons of hard work, but totally worth it!" "Wait, isn't that like a boot camp thing?" "No, it's......" "Oh, well it's great seeing things that say college park on them!" -lady I'm babysitting for (for the first time) (currently sitting in her living room, FYI) 

So yea, I plan on stopping by the bank on my way home tonight, wonder what gems I'll hear there... From that ATM... ;) 

Oh, and in case you wanted to see the super awesome crossfit shirt I was sporting all day, here it is: 

If your not happy, change.

Ok, so I have a new Netflix obsession, like I'm losing sleep over this show, and can't seem to care. I started watching it somewhere around Tuesday, and finished all 22 episodes of season one this morning. this show is pretty great, but several things happened in it (like with any show) that kinda made me wonder. Like, if you have this heightened sense of hearing, like you can hear people from MILES away, how did you not hear the person walking up to you, who then shot you? And, if you're trying to live a life off the radar of every other person in the world, why would you jump from a 5th floor fire escape onto the back of a dump truck, and then be surprised that someone saw and figured out that the person who lives on the other side of that fire escape knows you? But seriously, its a great show. I'm currently goggling all the illegal ways (Shhhh!)  I can watch the second season without paying for it...

Anyways, all that to say this: one of the comments made on the episodes that really bothered me, like i didn't pay attention to anything else, and had to rewind it bothered me was this: *while offering coffee* "I bet your a one sugar girl."  "Black, I'm on the Neanderthal diet"   "What is the Neanderthal diet?"  "Nothing a caveman wouldn't eat. I'm ready to kill someone for a carb."

Sound familiar? Yea, she is on the Paleo diet, and apparently not so happy about it... If her body language and words can be believed... and here's the thing that bothered me, why do something that doesn't satisfy you? I'm so tired of hearing people talk bad about their own choices. Ok. so Paleo doesn't do it for, the answer is simple, find something that does. Which yea, I get that part of the fun of being on a "diet" is the fact that you get to complain about it. However, you wanna know what ALL my research, reading, talking, and limited life experience has already taught me in this field of healthy living? That if you are not 100% satisfied with what you are doing, if you are constantly craving something else, you will not succeed on the path you have chosen.

Find a life style, a fitness plan, that works for you and your body! One that won't leave you crabby and wishing for something else, because eventually, you will break down and back slide.

Find one that you can be proud of, that when you find a recipe that fits, and you love it, you wanna post that picture to every social media sight you have.

Find the plan that allows you to be you.

Find the plan that allows you to be proud of the work you accomplish, not shamed by the failures you place upon yourself.

Please understand, I'm not saying that you should indulge in every type of food you desire, cause I mean, that is one reason I am even at this point in my life. But seriously, eat the spoonful of cookie dough you find in your friend's fridge, then move on to the strawberries for snack time.  Eat that bowl of peach cobbler that you and your nieces and nephew worked hard to make (even if you used the wrong kind of flour and the crust didn't rise the right way!) Just don't make cobbler with those cuties every time you see them. Say no to every piece of cake that is only mediocre and only eat that piece that is to die for, cause seriously, nothing taste much better then double chocolate cake with fudge icing. (just don't take that cake home with you, leave it right where it is on the counter at your friend's house!)

Also, i worked out this week, and it was great...

I slacked on the selfie and Wod pics though. Oops!

So, I will leave you with the cuteness that is my new crossfit tank...

When it rains, it pours, then stops completely.

So, that title? Not figurative, as in everything in life goes wrong at the same time, but it's actual, like it didn't just rain, it poured, then it stopped completely. 

Wanna know what happens when you are in the middle of this WOD when it starts raining?

This happens: 

And it's not so bad run/jog/walking in he rain, what was bad was after that rain stopped, and I was soaked, and had one more round to do. Not the funniest. :) but hey, 3 rounds in 33 minutes? I'll take it! And kaylie- if you read this and text me the WOD I'll bring you Greek food in two weeks... 

No AC...

So, I'm living an AC free life... For loads of reasons 1. It's cheaper 2. It's better for the environment 3. It makes you appreciate air conditioning when you encounter it. 4. The first three are crap. It's broken. In my house, and in my car. Which means I spend a lot of time hot and sweaty.

Have I ever told you that my least favorite thing is to be hot. I HATE sweating. Like hate hate it. Not "oh I kinda don't like that" but serious, would curse at sweat if I could hate. Which makes this summer thing about the worst thing ever in my books. (Of course, the pool and friends who let me hang out in their AC enabled houses are the best)) 

That all being said, CF at 830 in the morning is great... Not so hot outside that I'm already sweating from heat, and early enough in the day that it gets me pumped for the rest of it. Well, this morning when I was asked to babysit during that 830 time slot, I said yes to the money... Planning to do the crossfit thing later. I spent the majority of my day packing the non essential in my kitchen (did I mention I'm moving in a little under 5 weeks and I keep having panic attacks about getting everything packed?!?) After packing all day, it was crossfit at 4... Which I walked in already sweating and didn't stop until I got home about 2 hours later... But hey, I did learn that the best place to be during a crossfit WOD when it's 90 degrees outside is a little outside of directly under the ceiling fan... 

Any who, here is today's WOD, sorry no cute collages today... I just don't feel like it.

Did that with 55lbs in 10:07! Which I am pretty proud of, when I started I told myself I was gonna do it in 12 minutes, which changed to 10 somewhere around minute 5 when I hit number 15. And hey, seven seconds over, I'll take it! 

Also, here's a cute little post crossfit selfie: 

 

And yea, I had some nice sweat going, which looked great when I went digging in the family dollar cardboard dumpster to borrow (steal) boxes... But hey, looking a hot mess while dumpster diving? That's pretty much what crossfit is all about right? ;) 

Who am I even talking to?

Actual conversation:

Carolyn: what time do you do crossfit?

Me: I have been going to the 8:30 morning class

Carolyn: (in stunned disbelief) who am I even talking to?

So, it's no secret that I am NOT a morning person, I prefer to spend my mornings sleeping, like till noon if I could, which is usually how I spend my vacations and holidays... Going to bed late, sleeping all day. That's the life right? Not so much anymore... Several things are different this year: 1. I have 2 brand new nieces (and 2 nephews and another niece that are not as new) that I am seeing so much of this summer, that my name has become "Aunt Melanie" in my own head, as in I introduced myself as Aunt Melanie to someone yesterday... 2. I am moving in about a month (meaning loads of things on my to do list) and 3. It's getting to above and beyond 90 degree everyday, by like 11 am (meaning I wanna be done with crossfit and into the swimming pool long before then.) 

Crazy how things happen, and change and you really don't even notice it until someone else points it out. I don't miss those mornings sleeping in, not a bit. (Ok, maybe a tiny bit, but in that "remember when we used to all be childless and these 5 little bundles of joy weren't here to keep us from playing Mario Cart all night?" Kinda way) cause yea, those days were fun, but not near as fun as watching Little Bit swim to the deep in and get so proud of herself that she can't contain her joy, or as entertaining as watching 3 little kids attentively watch a caterpillar for at least 5 minutes, until he finally met his demise (quite accidentally, we just didn't realize how gentle we should be with him when moving him to the grass!) I mean, look at this cuteness:

Crossfit has kinda had the same changes, I don't really miss the drive through, or the tv/reading/anything else I might have filled the hour I'm doing a WOD in now, or the extra piece of cake, etc... cause the trade off is kinda great- I feel better, my clothes feel different, I am proud of the work I have accomplished.

Anyways, Monday's crossfit was the first after almost a week not going for WODs, between not feeling well and avoiding contaminating people, and forgetting to set alarms, and commitments that couldn't be backed out of, I only found myself participating in a WOD twice last week, which meant Monday was HARD. Here's the breakdown:

check out those blisters! also, this is what happens when you do a timed WOD, and that final bell is done: 

everyone collapses in front of the fan (there was a fan sitting right behind me as well, just not near as big as that one!) You may ask now, how did you make it through that one Melanie, and heres how: I brought my own cheering squad:

every time I looked over, I had a little boy staring at me.

Today's WOD was even more difficult. Here's the breakdown:

I got 3 rounds in, I probably could have completed the five, but I had to be somewhere and left after 3... and I was pretty done by that third one. And man, I don't think I stopped sweating for about an hour. i mean, look at that selfie... pouring off. And I was exhausted after... like not thinking right exhausted. (as an example, I called to talk to my dad, and after hanging up attempted to take a screen shot of the sweat on the screen. Didn't quite work...)

Oh, and I taught little E to lift weights...

Also, here is a request for all those crossfiting readers: I will be too far from the gym for the next 5 days to do group WODs, what's your favorite travel WOD? 

Red handed

Nothing like getting caught at Mcdonald's by fellow crossfiters (who shall remain nameless) right? But hey- it was unsweet tea! Does that matter? And they were there too... So I'm gonna go with it's ok... ;)

Chain reactions?

I've noticed something recently. Fitness seems to set off a chain reaction among people. A chain reaction of inspiration... ;)

Here's what I mean: One person in a little friend group gets serious, like actually stopping the talking and making actual changes, and seeing actual results, and suddenly others in te group start talking about it, and consider the same changes. 

Since I started crossfit in April, not only does my blog get updates, but two of my closest friends get almost daily "I'm dieing" texts and workout selfies, which are almost always followed with "just did a video- I gotta be skinny just like you" messages. Which I love, now, if only I could get them to crossfit... :)

I've noticed this not only with my close friends, but other people as well. At work,  this past year was a year of fitness among some teachers. We all watched as Deborah, (who I credit with part of my inspiration) shrunk before our eyes. She, with her inspiration pal Charity (and several others I'm sure!) set up gym routines, food things etc... (I'm sure she can fill you in on all the details... Maybe I'll try to convince her to do a guest blog or something...) Her changes are a big part of my inspiration. We have even gotten tentative plans to do some workout classes with Charity and Vachon over the the summer, which should be kinda exciting!

Another at work, Robinette (the sorta inspiration behind this post) has left behind what seems like over half of himself on his journey, (maybe another good one for a thought or two!) this morning his Facebook featured an update about his summer so far, and all his goals he is meeting and exceeding, and the comments flowed in, including around 30 messages of support, and 2-3 messages recognizing that his success, has inspired their journeys. 

If I could count how many times I've heard something along the lines "now I'm gonna have to start working, can't let you be the only one improving!" I've even kinda convinced Vachon to attempt crossfit. :) 

So I guess, basically, when people see others changing themselves with hard work and determination, it shows them that they are capable too. 

Somedays...

I feel like the WOD will end in my death. Today was one of those... But hey, I had a visitor waiting in the car for me! Even if he wasn't interested at all in taking a selfie! 

Also, Fridays WOD: 

I just did 30 of each, and little butt kicks instead of DUs... But I followed it with this, 

And I had a moment of pure insanity, cause by the time I got to the pool, I was no longer hot and sweaty, so I decided to do this poolside : http://www.fitsugar.com/10-Minute-Floor-Workout-Video-34287067 which was intense, and just enough to make that pool feel even more amazing. 

(I did the video again on Sunday with my cousin Michele, this is what ended up happening: 

I think I may have a crossfit puppy!)

What?!

Ok, so my third attempt to this post today. In short I've learned three things today: 1. My phone/blogging app is malfunctioning 2. When your phone/blogging app fails to actually post a post, it doesn't save it either. 3. I should never delete text that I typed in word, before double checking that I have actually "copied" it into the blog program (or maybe I should just cut the middle man and type on the blogging page?) 

Either way, about a week and a half of blogs are gone, never having been actually posted to begin with and all the recapping I did of those posts, also gone. So we will leave it with, I did crossfit, usually it's hard, but always rewarding. (And swimming after doing cf? Wonderful!) Oh, and that heartfelt post I did about my body image and the effects it has last Monday? I will probably redo that one later... When I have the energy for self evaluation. I will share this: 

My somewhat sporadic record of weighing myself... I only do it when at a friends house, who has a nifty digital scale, and only when I remember to actually do it... And I'm gonna guess that something was weird about that may 31st one... Which is what lead to me getting back on there yesterday... And she later confirmed that it sometimes does wonky things when moved around... 

Anyways, my original reason for logging on... This week's WODs. Monday I skipped, to spend the day with my baby sister who surprised us with a weekend visit from Tennessee! Tuesday, 150 wall balls. Rx:14lb ball. My WOD: 100 wall balls with 14lbs, and 50 with 8lbs... Finished in somewhere around 16 minutes... I think. Yesterday? Skipped again, mainly because my tennis shoes were sitting at my parents house in griffin, and by the time I got them again, I had missed the last class of the day. :( 

So you can guess where I was this morning at 8:30! 

A WEEK?!?

So, I just realized that I haven't posted in a whole week! Yikes. Pretty sure my usual blogging time has been taken over by home work time, but hey, as of Friday SCHOOL IS OUT FOR THE SUMMER! So maybe I can fit in some writing and get homework done...

Anyways, I discovered last Thursday that I'm not great with maximum effort stuff... The same thing that happens when I run happened with those, I got a little tired and just stopped. I like having a number to reach, a goal to be attained, not having specific number completely threw me off. I left Thursday feeling not at all accomplished. And determined to figure out a solution for it... Still haven't really figured out a strategy to help with that... Any ideas? 

Then Friday, no crossfit for me, instead I hung out with these awesome kiddos so there momma could get some stuff done:

And that was completely worth missing out on one day, cause you know, hugs and kisses from my nieces and nephew make my heart happy. Very happy.

And that brings me to this week so far... It's been kinda killer, but also great. 

Monday's WOD:

three rounds:

400m run

50 DUs

10 burpee squat clean thrusters 

My Mod: run 400 on first round, row 500 remaining rounds, and singles not doubles *first WOD with no adjustments for my wrist! and the burpees were kinda killer on it, but just cause it hadn't been doing anything i think... and since i haven't had any pain since, I'm pretty sure I'm done healing and wearing that brace...*

and may I just say that me and jump ropes have a not so great relationship with each other... but I refused to give up on them, cause you know, if I don't keep trying, I'm never gonna figure it out...and thanks to those Single jump ropes, the workout took me about 47 minutes... I don't know the exact time, cause my workout went into the next classes, and the clock was reset... but I finished. which is more then I can say if I had not started. :) 

also, my phone died before I even got to the gym, so no workout selfies for Monday... 

And  Tuesday... not the greatest day at work, I left feeling very defeated, unheard and angry, which apparently I channel well into a workout.  

Tuesday's WOD: 

My little white board: 

and obviously I didnt do Handstand Pushups, cause, yea, thats just not happening yet... but yea... I'm pretty sure there were a few times I lost count, but that is gonna have to just be ok. :)

Which leaves us with Wednesday... and may I just say that I began my day with no gym bag packed, cause I just knew, that after going on a field trip with my class to a dairy farm, there would be no energy left for crossfit. But somewhere around 3:30, in the middle of dismissal i decided, you know what? I'm gonna do this, so I left work a tad early and went and got my gym cloths before heading to the gym... and may I just say that I am exhausted... in fact I may have fallen asleep somewhere around typing about Tuesday... 

check out those blisters forming on my hands...